Tuesday, 6:00 AM. "Wake up!", my mother shouts. I know I should be there, attending college. But I don't go. I go back to sleep, because I feel so hopeless about college. "The choice I made about the college I should attend to was simply wrong", I think to myself. "What is the point of continuing graduating in a course that will lead me nowhere?".
But during all my life, things have been this way. The only two things I felt really happy with most of the time were with English and computers. But I felt I had to quit computer science. I felt was not good enough to learn math – computer science requires this – as I had a hard time with it since high-school. Of course, my anxiousness on IRC chatrooms and the innerent arrogance of many coders didn't help my self-esteem either. It's not like most people care.
I guess this all started with my parents. I was either by my mother told I was a genius, when I was bullied due to my poor social kills, or a lazy bum that would have no future.
This all seem like child's play. But this child never recovered. I developed a fragile personality that is very insecure and I need approval and motivation all the time, and if I don't I get horribly depressed. I never managed to get a stable job. When something very nice knocks on my door, I feel terrified to get it done. I feel like I'm being ripped off in some way, and I could do better things with my time, or that I can't complete the job.
What about you, dear readers? Feel free to share your statistics, facts and your stories about self-esteem here. Did you recover?
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